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Today i realized that I feel as though i've missed a full year from my life. Tbh, it doesn't feel that long ago. I'm not sure whether i should miss last year, or thank god that it's over. It's ridiculous to think that we were on our way to wainui this time last year, that chels met llamah, that me and kaitlyn were drinking at the school, and fuck knows what else. I'm not gonna lie that i don't miss those times, because i do, a fuckload. I miss the way things used to be. when everyones lives, including mine, didn't revolve around drugs and getting into guys. When we were actually doing well in school, despite the fact that we still disliked it, whilst balancing a decent social life at the same time. It was all about the secrecy of going somewhere new where we could drink ourselves dumb, we didn't plan what guys we were going to hook up with and we couldn't have been less worried about what reputation we were bringing to ourselves. Life back then was about having a good time, not about getting with someone. While the whole concept of those times were amazing, and i do miss them, i'm not too sure i'd have them back.

Today i realized who my true friends are. I have the most amazing best friends i could have ever asked for. Chels and Kaitlyn are the only two people in my entire life, that have stuck with me through thick and thin.

The other week i realized that life was an amazing thing and we should make the most of what we have while we have it and i almost feel embarrassed that it's taken me 15 years to figure this out during a drunken "deep and meaningful" with Kieran, Kayla, and Chelsea, in which i was completely reduced to tears over. The things that were said, and the unexplainable events in which happened that night were absolutely incredible. From now on i am gonna try desperately to change myself for the better. I'm over holding grudges. I'm over being angry at people for less than serious reasons.

Today, i realized that life is short.